Why I Paint
Apparently, our laws are set up in such a way that one is not allowed to physically attack people and force them to listen to your interesting stories. I enjoy telling stories and physically attacking people. As stated, I have been told on multiple occasions by public officials that I am no longer allowed to do that second thing. The divine medium of oil paint allows me to isolate myself from society in my tiny studio while wearing whatever outfit I desire while telling my stories. Whether I am painting portrait, still life, or landscape, these painted stories always involve monkeys. While these mischievous monkeys are never actually shown in my work they are always implied.
My hope is that in the future when the robot overlords take over this world, they will look at my paintings and compute a creative use for me other than forcing me to work in their human death camps.
I believe that my job as a painter is more than just reproducing objects on canvas. The artist should aim for something elevated and finer; nature observed through a nobler temperament. My paintings are expressions of light, atmosphere, color, and tonal beauty. These elements transform nature into art that is both aesthetically pleasing and meaningful for the viewer. I use the techniques and traditions of the great classical painters. Even though these techniques are centuries old, I use these skills to create pictures relevant for today’s audience, infusing a narrative and wit that adds to the compelling arrangements I'm creating.
Was that good? I think this ended well.